oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
