i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
