Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
