So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
