Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
