so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
