it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
