I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
