you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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