you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just high enough for therapy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
