don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
