Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
