The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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