So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
