sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
