he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
