we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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