Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
