apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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