There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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