She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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