I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
