Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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