mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
