If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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