the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
