woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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