My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
