So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
