Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
