Have you finally orgasmed yet?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
