So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
