i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize