My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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