i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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