It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
