i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
