I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
