I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
