I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
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While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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