I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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