How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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