I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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