If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
