So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
