i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Farmville is her only friend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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