If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
