im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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