He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
FUCK WHALES
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
