I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
