i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
