If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
