hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
