Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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