The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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