evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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