Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
