There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
