Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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