I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
