We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
