i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
