Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
