Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
