I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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