He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
