I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
