I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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