u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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