I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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