I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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